Because of my work in addiction, I have the opportunity to talk openly to many people who may have had exposure to religion as a child, but no longer participate in church. There are a variety of reasons for this, but the most honest answer I hear frequently is that they feel that Christians don’t want them at their church because of their past.
Jerry, a 44-year-old alcoholic, sums it up best:
“I hear talk about Jesus healing, but when I look at their website, I see pictures of a family holding hands and smiling as they walk into a sunlit field. When I look for a group that I might fit into, it isn’t there. When I call for help, the very sweet lady answering the phone says she can offer me an appointment with a pastor, but the church usually sends folks with ‘alcohol issues’ to AA.”
Jerry, and many like him, are tired, lonely, and desperate, so they go to AA.
Unfortunately, Jesus isn’t always welcome in those rooms. You are allowed to have Christ as your Higher Power, but not to talk about Him out loud in these increasingly secular anonymous rooms. Nevertheless, people go and stay. Why? Because they find the thing they are missing most isn’t a five-message series on Jonah, but they have been craving a tribe of people who offer them acceptance rather than judgment.
In this domain of post-traumatic growth (PTG), finding out that relationships don’t have to be superficial and guarded, but can be loving, and empathetic, and, in a word…real, is crucial. This domain is classically called “relating to others,” and somehow, we have as a society drifted further and further from this necessary ingredient for life. We know God valued companionship and created it on the sixth day of Creation. Anthropologists tell us that the idea of being valuable to a tribe allowed one protection from violence and starvation. It is fun to see areas where science catches up to the Bible, and there seems to be no light between the two here – relationships with others are vital for life.
Support groups of peers who have suffered with similar problems are crucial to healing. Sympathy is not useless but not fully healing. Empathy derived from a been-there-done-that attitude of shared life experience can be a deeply healing medicine. The attitude encountered in effective groups is, “We are going to love you until you learn to love yourself.” This is the type of religion described in Acts but is strangely absent when a new person approaches some modern Christian churches. Members of support groups have a strong memory of how they were nurtured through their chaos, and a mandate to pay it forward in step 12. Far too often, people seeking relief from addiction find the love they hoped to find in church in the rooms of secularized anonymous groups.
We, as a church, can do better. We MUST do better if we expect to remain relevant to people moving forward in the 21st century.
Gathering with nonjudgmental folks who know what it takes to shed the turmoil of an addictive life is the main treatment. Medical care, counseling, and rehab centers all serve a good purpose but fall short of healing the whole person in mind, body, and spirit. Leaning into the community allows growth in the domain of relating to others as they learn to be vulnerable and compassionate.
The Dunamis Initiative exists to help support churches develop support groups assisting those wanting to shed the bondage of addiction and wish to continue declaring Christ is Lord. Contact us to see how we can help.
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